Past Due

My baby girl is a week past her due date. This is very common, especially amongst first time moms, but even though I knew that, going past her due date has caused me a little bit of disappointment. It's been mentally draining as I sit and wait, wondering if any feeling I have is a contraction. I've been cautious to go anywhere because she could come at any time and I don't want to be too far from my hospital.

I guess I was a little naive to put so much emphasis on her due date, but I just figured that my entire family was born early, so why wouldn't she be? I'm not so sure how to put into words the way it weighed on me mentally. It's still weighing on me, seeing as she's still not here yet.

Obviously, there's the aspect that pregnancy is just difficult. I've spent the last nine months growing a child inside me and waiting for her to be here. My hips and pelvis hurt. My entire body is uncomfortable. I can't do everything I used to do. I don't want to be pregnant anymore. I think most pregnant women feel this way by the end of the nine months. Maybe even before that.

That fact was one that I knew of before being pregnant. I knew by the end of it, I'd be ready for her to be here physically. What I didn't know was the mental aspect of it all.

That I was going to be mentally exhausted. That I was going to be mentally drained. That every time someone asked if baby girl was here that I would ache just a little bit. I'm so grateful that so many people care though, so please don't get me wrong! It's just difficult to be asked constantly when I have no idea what's going to happen or when she'll be here and when all I want is for her to be here now.

So, I'll be getting an induction soon which is difficult in its own right. It's not what I had planned. My birth plan was not supposed to consist of an induction. I knew I may have to be flexible on certain things in my birth plan, but I didn't think that would include an induction. Changes to our plans aren't easy, but after everything that has happened this year, I should probably know that by now.

The thing I really like about having a scheduled induction is that she still had the opportunity to come on her own, but now I actually have an end date. On the day of induction, since it will be in the morning, I will start laboring and she will be there soon. Labor can take a long time, but at least it will have started.

I'm trusting God has a plan, because He always does. I can't help but think it is His way of blessing me with a little extra time with just me and my husband before she gets here. That was the hardest part about having a baby so soon after getting married. All I wanted was a little bit of time with just the two of us, and it sort of felt like we didn't have enough time. I've spent countless time crying over this issue, in fact. Don't get me wrong, I am so so happy to be having my baby girl. My husband and I both are. But there is still going to be a lot of change due to her arrival. So, despite the difficulty of continuing to wait on her arrival, I am seeing the good that God has brought in it.

Another thing God has taught me through this is just to be humble. I've never judged anyone who chose induction or chose to do things differently than I wanted to do, but I think when we make our plans, we do think it's the best. It's why we chose it. But God is showing me, that in following His plan, I have to be humble. I can't force my way. And if I see my way as the best way, then I am not being humble enough to allow God's plan to be the best way. Doesn't mean I don't make plans, but it means I need to understand that my plans may not be best. And that it's okay for plans to change.

I'll probably make another post in the future about my birth story, but I'm not sure when that will happen. I'm really excited to meet my baby girl in the coming days and to share more about it!