My Testimony

Testimonies are forever evolving, because our journeys with God are never perfect and He's always on the move. I've had quite a few people on the podcast that have touched on this idea and it's been a really great theme throughout the seasons of my podcast.

Another theme I've had in my podcast is the idea that all testimonies are important whether you've had something huge happen to you or you've been a Christian all your life.

I grew up in a Christian household. I don't want to say that I grew up in a home where Christianity was just religious and not a relationship because that's not how my family or our church treated it, but it is still how I lived it when I was younger.

There was never a time where I doubted the existence of God or when I didn't believe that Jesus died for my sins, but I still didn't actually have a relationship with Christ.

My life was full of going to church and attending bible studies and I loved all of it, but I wasn't really taking anything from it. I loved learning the cultural significance and background of things, but I didn't care to apply the Bible to my life in any way.

Because of this, my identity was all over the place. I placed it in all sorts of things, but mostly in boys. Constantly, I was chasing boys. I'd have a crush and pour a whole lot of energy into getting their attention, thinking about them, and trying to get them to like me back. I loved to hear about who had a crush on me and getting any sort of attention from a guy, even if it was small.

I lost myself in that world. From allowing myself to stay in situations I shouldn't have (I have an entire podcast episode about the SA I endured with my ex-boyfriend) to not feeling worth anything because the one person I liked didn't like me back to throwing myself at a rebound and making a fool of myself just to get over a different guy. When I think back on it now, I can laugh at how stupid it was, but also I'm honestly embarrassed. Fortunately, there's no shame in Christ, but that is not a time I look back on fondly. I am happy to say that I got out of that identity before meeting my husband and I think that's a part of why our relationship is so strong.

While I now place my identity in the Lord, that doesn't mean I haven't struggled with placing it elsewhere at times. From school, to accomplishments, to work, etc. I think it will always be a small struggle, but reminding myself of what God says about me and continuously reading the Bible, I'm able to turn my thinking around.

The summer between eighth grade and freshman year, I went on a missions trip to Panama. I'm not going to lie, it was definitely a little performative for me and I went because I wanted to travel. Plus, I liked looking like a good Christian. God definitely still showed up while we were there, but I wasn't really looking for where that was. I kind of BS'ed my way through it. Looking back I'm able to see it, but I wasn't in the moment.

When we got back home, I almost immediately got symptoms of Dengue fever which I had picked up from a mosquito back in Panama. I was admitted to the hospital and it was a nightmare. I literally almost died (I'm planning on making a blog post about this whole experience so be on the lookout for that, but for right now I wrote a short story loosely based on it). I knew God had his hand over that situation and had protected me, but again, acknowledging that at the time was much more performative than real revelation.

That was how it went for the beginning part of high school. The Covid hit and we all went into lockdown. At the time, I was still in my boy crazy phase and was head over heels for this one kid. I decided that with the time I had at home that I would become a better version of myself. I did all the glowup trends but I also decided to start reading the Bible.

Yes, I quite literally started reading the Bible to be a better person and get the guy I wanted. Very prosperity gospel of me. But as I read, I started to realize who the God of the Bible truly was and what He said about me. The truth about humanity and about Jesus and how much I needed Him. As I did that, I grew to have a relationship with Him. Soon, everything I did revolved around my faith. I was nowhere near perfect, but I was learning and growing, not to look good in people's eyes but because God was working on my heart.

We returned to school and things were different. That was when the whole rebound thing happened, but like I said, God was still working on me and I was nowhere near perfect (I still am far from it). I gained truly God-centered friendships and saw God in more and more areas of my life. I allowed Him into all of those areas.

Eventually, I graduated high school and went off to Liberty University all the way across the country in Virginia. I have a whole lot to talk about when it comes to my life in college, but I'll leave most of that for another day. Somehow, going to a Christian university, I struggled more with my faith than ever. I got back to learning about the Bible rather than having a relationship with the God of the Bible. I secluded myself and really struggled with relationships (every relationship I had).

I broke up with my boyfriend at the time (who is now my husband) and turned back to God, allowing Him to work in me again. I ultimately decided to come home from college and said boyfriend and I talked through everything and were able to witness how God worked in one another's lives, leading us to get back together and ultimately get married (I have another podcast episode on this although of course a lot more has happened since then).

My relationship with God hasn't been a straight and narrow path since then, but no matter what, I know that I can turn to Him in all things. For example, things like my pregnancy which I've talked in depth about in other blog posts.

Even more recently, God has opened doors for me in my career, allowing me to get a paid internship that not only is a passion of mine but also that helps our small family out financially. I'm watching God provide for me in real time and show me that He listens.

I know there will be many many more times in my life that have a large impact on my faith journey. Some are going to be positive things and some are going to be hardships, but it's going to grow my relationship with God and be used to help other people in their own walks.

I've been lucky enough to share my testimony on a couple other podcasts this last year, which has been a blast! I will continue to share different aspects of my testimony as time progresses and more happens because all elements of our stories are important and I hope it encourages other people to do the same. That's literally the whole point of this blog and my platform.