We're Expecting!!

I'm currently pregnant with our first and I couldn't be more excited! But if I'm being honest, it wasn't always that way.

Prior to engagement, as well as during engagement, Aaron and I decided we wanted to wait around five years to have our first kid. That would still only make us 25 and 26, which felt perfect.

But on January 6th (the day before my 21st birthday), I found out I was pregnant. Not only was it not in our time line, it was also outside of marriage. As a Christian couple, this was definitely not ideal.

I was already feeling ashamed for partaking in the baby making process prior to marriage, but now I had an outward sign of that sin and shame for everyone to see. Fortunately, not a single person in my circle has made me feel ashamed for what's happened. Over the course of this blog, there are a lot of aspects of this pregnancy that I'd love to write about and get into the nitty gritty of that side of my pregnancy, but today I want to talk more about the excitement, because that's what I'm feeling now.

Like I said, it took a minute, but I am so excited! The more other people got excited for me, the more I was excited for myself. It helped a lot that Aaron, my now husband, was excited. He was so much stronger than me and really helped me through that rough time until I got to the point where I could stand on my own in excitement.

Each day I've gotten more excited, but there have been moments that cause it to spike even further. The first real push of excitement was our first ultrasound. I volunteer at a pregnancy resource center where we offer free ultrasounds and I got to have my first one there at roughly twelve weeks. Aaron and I sat there smiling at our baby on the screen. Baby didn't move very much during that ultrasound, but we got to see baby's profile and hands so clearly. We now have the ultrasound photos hanging on our fridge.

You'd think that after seeing our baby once that we wouldn't feel the same way every ultrasound, but we have. Every time we've seen our baby, we've been mesmerized. I'm also so grateful that Aaron has been at the majority of the appointments I've had. Not only am I grateful to him, but also to his work that they've given him time to do so.

Of course there's the kicks too. They make all the rough parts of pregnancy totally worth it (except maybe when she kicks my bladder). I've been able to feel her kick for a while now, since around 16 weeks and was able to feel her from the outside at around 17 weeks. Now, you can occasionally see my belly move when she kicks, which has been another whole beautiful thing! I think I'll miss those kicks once she's here. They not only calm my nerves, but also make me feel connected to her. My favorite time is around ten o'clock at night when she kicks a lot and Aaron cuddles me, getting to feel her too. I love seeing his face light up when he feels her kick.

We have a doppler that my dad bought me almost immediately after finding out I was pregnant. Finding her heartbeat is sometimes a little stress full, but when we hear the thump echoing inside me, it's like hearing her talk. Aaron loves pulling out the doppler to use and the fact that he loves to use it makes me happy. Watching the joy, love, and excitement on his face is one of the best things in the world.

But the moment that I think has made us the most exited was finding out the gender of our baby which happened April 27th. Then we had a gender reveal on the 30th to tell our families. We could finally put a pronoun and name to baby. Spoiler alert, we're having a baby girl! We do have a name picked out that our friends know, but I'm not really sure I want to share it online right now or maybe ever. While we're ecstatic about our little girl, we are going to be pretty strict when it comes to social media. For her once she's older, for us, and for other people (at least when it comes to her).

I can't wait for more of what this pregnancy has for me, but more than that, I can't wait to meet my baby girl!