"You Shouldn't Get Married if You're Under 25"

I got married recently (March 9th 2025) at the ripe age of 21 and my husband is 20. My first good friend to get married got married in June of 2024 at 20, this year I have three weddings to attend (all under 23), and next year I already have one planned (she will be 22). Many people in my family have been married since they were roughly 20. I even have a friend who got engaged in high school who is now 24.

We love to make blanket statements about these things instead of allowing each individual person to be different. While for some it's perfect to be get married under 25, for others it's a terrible idea for them to get married under 25. It also depends on the person they are with at the time.

I understand the concern of getting married young. I've seen all sorts of arguments for whether or not it's a good idea to get married at 25 and some are stupid and others make sense.

"I'm glad I didn't marry the person I was with at 17." Me too. Even though I'm quite literally married to the guy I was dating at 17. The difference is, the 20 year old man I married is so different than the 16 year old guy I started dating. We grew so much together in the three and a half years we dated, the few months we were engaged, and even in the couple months we've been married so far. Like I said earlier, this isn't me making a blanket statement that you need to marry who you were with at 17, but it's me saying that just because this is a statement that's true for some doesn't mean it's true for all. And people change a lot. In my opinion, getting to grow and change together is better than doing it on your own.

"Your frontal lobe isn't developed yet." We act like it's a switch in our brains that turns on when we turn 25. I'm sorry, but that's not how our brains work. The moment you turn 25 you aren't going to wake up and suddenly make drastically better decisions. There are plenty of people who are years older making worse decisions than lots of 20 year olds. I think it's more about the decisions you're already making in life and what experiences you've had in life. I mean, what are the things you've gone through as a couple? Have you had to work through things together?

"I want to enjoy life first." Can you not do that while married? In my opinion, being married has made life better. My husband and I get to go on adventures together and we have lots of plans for the future together. I love anytime I get to spend with him and he makes the mundane things so much more enjoyable. Again, this may not be the same for everyone and that's why it's important to pick the right person. Your right person may come before 25 or may come after 25. But it's not up for anyone else to decide but you.

"You need to figure out who you are first." Again, can you not do that while married? I do believe it's important to have an identity outside of the person you're with, but as a Christian, I know that my identity comes from the Lord. But there are still parts of me that I get to explore on the foundation of being a child of God. My experiences have taught me a lot about myself. My husband has taught me a lot about myself because he sees things that I haven't been able to see in myself which is one of the many beauties of marriage.

"Divorce rates are higher." Divorce is an issue at any age of marriage, and yes they may be higher, but that's again why it's important to choose the right person. If you don't think you can choose the right person at your age, then I'm glad you know that. But that doesn't mean that other people can't choose their right person younger than 25.

"You need to have sex with more people." Yes this is something I've actually been told. No this is not a statement I think is true. In marriage, you get to explore things sexually with your person. I personally see no downsides to this. You get to learn everything your person loves and get to try new things with them. They get to learn everything you love. And you use your energy to satisfy one another.

I want to be very clear that this doesn't mean every person should get married before their 25 or that the person you're dating right now is the right person for you. That would be just as bad of a blanket statement as "you shouldn't get married under 25." These are just the feelings I have as a 21 year old married girl when people make these kinds of comments.